from www.youtube.com

BadAssReviews.com has been comatose for quiet sometime due to other priorities… as in we got bills we gots to pay, aight?!

This thing don’t pay… squat.

Anyway, interesting to see everyone coming to our site these past couple of days as somehow Google saw to fit to increase our search rankings for the simple keyword, Ass (despite doing absolutely nothing to deserve such prominence.)

I just wanted to extend a warm welcome to all you ass seekers. I don’t think this is quiet what you had expected, but hey, we are here -FOR YOU-. Alright? So, we put our monkeys in our research department to come up with an sweet ass you feast your eyes on and here it is.
Hope you like it.

So don’t be an ass, come back again. We’ll have more dirty pictures for you freaks.

Finding out that Google decided to rank us higher for “Ass”, that’s a B.A.R. 5 out of 5

Watch about a minute into it when someone kicks at this thing and it regains it’s balance. I wonder if all of this is frankly just a really bad idea.

First cited I think by Charlie Sorrel at Wired.

Creepy Dog Robot Planned for the US Military
By Charlie Sorrel EmailJuly 16, 2007 | 7:27:12 AMCategories: Defense, Innovations

It’s been a long time coming, but the BigDog, a robotic pack mule, has just won $10 million in Pentagon funding. The robot, covered way back in 2004 by Danger Room’s Noah Shachtman, is designed to carry equipment for soldiers. The petrol-engined quadruped will supposedly run and jump with its load, negotiating obstacles up to a meter (3.3 feet) high and two meters wide. As you can see from the video, the BigDog is pretty noisy, but worse than that, the naturalistic movement really creeps me out. It’s like an AT-AT crossed with a rickshaw.

B.A.R. Rating of 4 out of 5

ThinkGeek Palmsize Helicopter

Well, just look at this little guy! He’s so cute! I want one, maybe two.

This copter can go left and right, circle around your cube land office, all launched from the palm of your hand. RC helicoptering is notorious for requiring practice. Yes, you’ll have to practice to get good at this one too, however, in the meantime, you won’t be crash landing your $500 big-boy RC helicopter, this little guy will likely survive most of your novice maneuvering.

Infrared remote control let’s you fly this bug around the you team leader’s head. Intended for indoor use, made out rugged, durable material.

B.A.R. Rating 4.5 out 5

read more | digg story

The Pirate Bay - The worlds largest BitTorrent tracker
Who knew the Swedes could be so damn funny! These guys crack me up. They promote themselves to be the worlds largest BitTorrent Tracker.

___
DISCLAIMER: Now, we don’t condone software pirating in any manner (RIAA backoff). We would never be so vulgar to even suggest that one consider USING their service. Just like the say “no to drugs”, say “no to expensive soft… holdup, we mean “just say no to anything uh… free”, that should cover it.

And that software crack you’re using, you guys gotta stop. That could be software crack that has come from China. Your addiction would be helping Chinese sweatshops owners continue their evil efforts to enslave millions of small children into indentured servitude and put them to work by pressing random keys on dual keyboards for 18 hours a day until serial numbers are illicitly discovered and cataloged into the very software crack you’re using. We’re serious, stay away from the software crack man, its bad for you (see RIAA, we did a PSA free of charge for you, we’re cool now right? No need to call FBI buddies on us, right , everybody just stay cool).
___

Where was I..oh yeah.. Pirate Bay… well, these Swedes get a lot of heat from US attorneys and representatives that must have skipped Geography class or really do think we own the whole world. You can read some of the threatening letters that the Swedes get from our best and brightest of our legal industry. Someone needs to pass memo to the BAR examiners and make sure they ask “What country do you live in?”, proceeded with a “Does US federal jurisdiction cover the rest of world in addition to said country?”.

If anyone answers one of the two right, give them a law degree right there, becuase we wouldn’t want to slack off from our high standards.

Here’s a response to one of those letters, regarding some White Stripes bitorrent.
THE WEB SHERIFF! There’s a web sheriff?? Yes, apparently there is:

”
> Dear Frederik,

It’s spelled “Fredrik”.

> We would refer you to our notification of yesterday’s date regarding
> the above, the contents of which are self-explanatory (hereinafter
> referred to as the “Notification”), to which we have yet to receive
> the courtesy of a response.

We would like to refer you to our Legal Threats section, on which we,
while having much fun, ridicule people like you.
Thank you for your contribution.

> Notwithstanding the fact that you contend that torrent hosting is
> legal in Sweden (which we would dispute),

…and I would like to refer you to the relevant court cases.
Unfortunately, our legal team partied quite heavily last night, so the
only reference I can provide you with is Högsta Domstolen (the Swedish
Supreme Court) NJA I 1996 page 79.

…..

> Whilst writing, we would further caution you against communicating
> or otherwise posting any remarks that could be construed as being
> defamatory of our clients (or Web Sheriff) or that could otherwise be
> injurious to our clients’ (or our) genuine business interests.
> Similarly, we would inform you that the copyright in the Notification
> and, indeed, this e-mail is vested in Web Sheriff and that, in the
> event that you attempt to publish either the Notification or this
> e-mail on your web-site (or elsewhere), appropriate action shall be
> taken for infringement of our copyright (we trust, in this regard,
> that you will concur that Sweden does recognise copyright).

We trust, in this regard, that you will concur that publishing your
e-mail is not in violation of Swedish copyright law. When our lawyer’s
hangover has passed, he will be more than happy to explain the juicy
details to you.

….

> Yours sincerely,
>
> WEB SHERIFF

I wanna be a cool WEB SHERIFF when I grow up. Do I get a shiny star and
a six-shooter?
”

Just check out their “Legal” page on Pirate Bay, it’s hilarious. 4 out of 5 for sure.

Uuuh… wow.

5 out 5.

SawStop monitors the electrical voltage of the blade to know when one of its tips is about rip through your pinky finger and seriously puts on the breaks to save your finger for another day.

Definitely cool. 5 out of 5, no question.

Click Here for more great videos and pictures!

Check this video out.

Show Previously Attached Devices In XP - video powered by Metacafe

]]> http://www.badassreviews.com/2007/01/howto-find-hidden-devices-bar-rating-3-out-of-5/feed/ http://www.badassreviews.com/2007/01/magic-match-semantic-web-bar-5-out-of-5/ http://www.badassreviews.com/2007/01/magic-match-semantic-web-bar-5-out-of-5/#comments Mon, 08 Jan 2007 07:40:45 +0000 admin Stuff to Do Events to Go http://www.badassreviews.com/2007/01/magic-match-semantic-web-bar-5-out-of-5/

Always more pictures!

Ok, new section for us to welcome the era of Web 2.0. Ok, so we’re a little late to the party, big deal. So wha. Hey, I bet ya didn’t know they were already working on Web 3.0. Gotcha ya there didn’t I? It’s called Semantic Web and it’s bound to short out a couple of brain circuits.

For our first video. Revealing magic tricks. This one is pretty easy.

Magic Match: Easy And Slick To Do - video powered by Metacafe

]]> http://www.badassreviews.com/2007/01/magic-match-semantic-web-bar-5-out-of-5/feed/ http://www.badassreviews.com/2006/10/chilaxin-at-johnnie-mercer-pier-in-wrightsville-beach-north-carolina-bar-rating-5-out-of-5/ http://www.badassreviews.com/2006/10/chilaxin-at-johnnie-mercer-pier-in-wrightsville-beach-north-carolina-bar-rating-5-out-of-5/#comments Thu, 19 Oct 2006 05:21:51 +0000 admin Stuff to Do http://www.badassreviews.com/2006/10/chilaxin-at-johnnie-mercer-pier-in-wrightsville-beach-north-carolina-bar-rating-5-out-of-5/

Always more pictures!

Sometimes the most bad ass thing you can do is, well, nothing at all. Or at least nothing so strenuous that it would require putting your beer down. Recently, two members of the BAR team took a trip down south to Wrightsville Beach, NC. Our final destination? The famed Johnnie Mercer Pier. The pier has been a Wrightsville Beach institution since the 1930’s but was almost destroyed by Hurricane Fran in 1996. After many years of rebuilding, the pier is back and better than ever. Some will argue that the old wooden pier was a more classic look but in this age of lawsuits, liability and unpredictable “acts of god” (i.e. hurricanes), I think the new concrete reinforced pier is a huge improvement.

Anyhow, you know that the B.A.R team doesn’t trust word of mouth, we have to check it for ourselves and report back to you what the real deal is. So off we went 400 miles to NC. The great thing about a 750 foot pier is that its easy to find. Just cross the bridge into Wrightsville Beach and you can’t miss it. The new and improved Johnnie Mercer Pier has a full size arcade, restrooms, snack bar and dining area attached to it now. Most important, they serve BEER. Any activity that includes sand, surf, and sun must also include beer and we weren’t disappointed. They had about 10 different domestic and imports to choose from and even better, the prices were reasonable starting at $2.50. After Ernesto finished his hot dog and fries, he and I decided to try our luck at fishing even though neither of us had fished in probably a decade. Luckily, helpful Mr. Jim Barnes was working the counter and set us up with a couple of poles and a cup of shrimp bait. Beer in one hand, pole in the other, we set out to the end of the pier. It was busy but not too crowded. The weather on the pier was a perfect 70 degrees and sunny.

We staked our spot and began “casting” our lines. It quickly became evident not only to us but to those around us that we didn’t have the faintest idea how to cast a fishing line. But this is the south and southern hospitality was alive and well. A nice man just volunteered to show us what to do, more than once actually, because I kept forgetting how to do it. What a difference it made. After a few more tries we were casting out a good 100 feet (good for us I guess). We enjoyed the sunshine and warm weather but weren’t having much luck with the fish. Something was taking the bait but we just weren’t catching it.

We decided to move to the very end of the pier thinking our luck would improve. Did it ever! After about ten minutes, our BarEditor was convinced he had something on the line but we couldn’t see it. It looked more like his line was caught on the pier itself. He kept yanking but nothing was happening. Sure enough though, he did have something-a baby sand shark! Realizing that neither one of had any idea how to pull this monster in, I asked a group of seasoned fisherman close by for help and they talked to our fearless leader through it and helped him reel it in without breaking his line. Even better, by the time he got the fish up a crowd had gathered around him to see what he was pulling in. I took lots of photos of his shark, including him kissing it before he threw it back. As for me, I didn’t catch anything more than a sunburn that day. Overall, we had a great day-hotdogs, cheap beer, catching a shark and hanging out with the locals.

As more and more beaches are becoming overrun with million dollar mansions and corporate hotels, its downright reassuring that the Johnnie Mercer pier has been owned and operated by the same family since the 1960’s. Besides that, how many people can say they caught a shark on their weekend vacation? Definintely bad ass approved 5 out of 5.

One Small Step Can Change Your Life : The Kaizen Way by Robert Maurer is a small book with big message, change yo life now… one small step at a time. No seriously, like right now.

According to Dr. Maurer, when shit hits the fan, we are all too quick to want to come up with some grand plan that will supposedly change everything in one giant leap. I have the need to change my life, make a list and if your list looks likes mine, it usually starts off with something like… be healthier, be wealthier, and save the world on the side (what can I say I’m a nice guy). 2 seconds later panic sets in as a dwell on the notion, how the heck am I going to do this today?

I start to sweat, my nerves get frayed, I reach for a beer, kick my neighbor’s dog, and head for Vegas because I earned it. All this thinking about my list is killing me.

Hold it. This book is about small changes lead to big changes and it makes a compelling case that that is actually because thats how our noggins work. We when panic and stress out, we reach for coping mechanisms (Vegas baby), and do the opposite of what we need to do get out of trouble. So why do we set ourselves up for guaranteed failure by making grand plans of magnificent change if we just can’t handle it? I can’t take it anymore!!!

The way to do it is to break whatever problem ya got down into tiny steps that slip through brain’s defense mechanism in stealth without setting off its stressors (your brain doesn’t like to get pushed around apparently).

So say you eat candy bars for breakfast, lunch and hey you’re eating one right now. Okay, your 300 pounds are begging you to stop, but man this one Snickers bar just hits the spot and besides you’ve tried cold turkey before… which only made you want to eat more after you got the shakes. Fine, eat it, enjoy it, big guy, but do you need that last bite of it? Would you really miss it if you just threw that last bite out in the trash? Hmm…

Right on, that’s the basic idea. Eat your Snickers bar, chuck that last bite in the trash and pick up this book for the next tiny step to change yo life today. See ya in Vegas. Maybe I’ll pass on Craps… I get cleaned out everytime I play that stupid game anyway.

In my perspective, cell phones have become the cigarettes of the 21st century. What? Huh? Are you high? Well…yes, but let me explain. During the heyday of cigarettes all of the big movie stars smoked and looked super-cool doing it. Yet, we soon found out that smoking was not the best for the health (doh!) and after years of puffing, the audiences were left with a fat, leathery man who claimed to be Marlon Brando at one time. THUS, we have witnessed the switch from the unhealthy cigarette to the super-sleek cell phone. Don’t tell me you haven’t whipped out that stylish cellie of yours to impress a lady or shoot a technological wink to that cute guy across the room. Yeah, I saw you and damnit, it was cool.

The Motorola V557 (Cingular) is most definitely a cool phone. Equipped with video capture/playback, EDGE technology, Bluetooth, Internet and a very respectable battery life, the V557 should supply all of the needed features for the cell phone user who isn’t quite ready to have a Blackberry surgically attached to his hand. That’s all good and nice, but like a gnat in the summer heat, I was attracted to the trippy blue light on the front of the phone.

The V557 is pretty rugged, but be careful with the charger as it tends to wear out quickly and a new one will set you back $29.99 (I certainly thought globalization would make the price of imported plastic gear cheaper!). The battery should hold out for at least a year, but like all cell phones it may need replacing after that. The good news for you is that by the time the battery needs replacing, your cell phone will no longer be cool and you can justify the purchase of a new one.

I was able to score a good deal through the Motorola website (www.motorola.com)- free cell phone AND $100 rebate. The rebate turned out to be a bitch, but I did eventually get $75 back a few months later. My only complaint with the phone revolved around the service. After an unexpected defect took root in my phone, I was unable to get a new unit since I was 8 days over the 1-year warranty period. I pleaded and begged and told the guy how BAD ASS it would be if I could score a new phone, but the Cingular/Motorla representatives had no love in their heart for a poor country boy.

Overall, I must withhold the Bad Ass Seal of Approval from the Motorola V557 from Cingular. The phone is solid, but I strongly feel that a phone should last longer than my relationship with my last girlfriend (1 year). But don’t let this sway you playa’s out there, the cell phone industry (and especially Motorola) has never been short on style. So find a phone and get your cool on.

Why it’s a Pentax my dear! We thought, “why not write a review of our newly acquired Pentax Optio s5z?” This sucker rocks and yes, this absolutely biased review will tell you why.

Actually the truth is we’re doing a review of this ultracompact digital camera because Pentax wouldn’t sport us one of their sweet digital SLR’s. They must a thought we’d break it and in all likelihood, we probably would.

No, the real reason is we just likes it, we really likes it, very much. Look, it’s got 5.0 zillion megapixels, 3x optical zoom (how do they squeeze the lens in this tiny little doohickey is a mystery to me), and a giant 2.5inch color LCD monitor with total coverage. It’s got sex appeal without the required bloodletting of your wallet. And trust us, everything loses sex appeal if you can’t buy a lady a drink.

This thing does video, too! No fo-real. We have 512 meg SD ram chip in this thing and it stores nearly 40 minutes at ultra crisp 30 fps. Oh yeah, there’s 10 megs on-board ram which gives you enough to get started, but it’ll have you running back to your computer to offload the images so many times you’ll quickly run out of excuses to cover frequently peculiar absences. Your friends will become highly suspicious of a personal problem and the next thing you know, you find them sitting you in living room with your parents and the intervention counselor.

Yo, this thing is light at merely 3.7 ounces… (yes about that, and perhaps you should see someone about your errhm, “hobby”). Set the highest settings and this babe will produce 2560 x 1920 photo of your ugly mug and you’ll be able to finally get a full count of your nose hairs. The menu settings are easy to navigate and with the quick setup green mode button, you can say the hell the manual and just start taking shots. The “don’t make me think” crowd will love that feature, and for the rest of you that like to slip hairs with the minutia of life, you will find this little ultracompact has plenty of buttons and settings to keep you busy for a long while. You’ll have to RTFM though if you want to know it all. There are short cuts assigned to every button by pressing and holding for a short moment.

It comes with a USB cable, lithium batter, charger, and pretty decent ADC photo software. ADC photo software will organize, categorize, and store those precious nude photos of your ex for years of viewing pleasure. If you’re into buying every accessory known to man, it comes built in with PictBridge technology, so you can plot this sucker a photo printer and do everything without the use of a computer. Gasp, did we just discover something we can do with a computer??

Look, you can’t go wrong with this one. Pentax, we still want an SLR, but for now this will do just fine.

For an ultracompact, this is gets a solid 4 out of 5 B.A.R.s for this baby.

Not even minute into the tournament and someone by the name of “Calamari” pushes all his chips into the pot. I guess my K 10 ain’t going to help me right now althought I suspect this eager beaver has hardly much of a hand himself. Everyone folds except for “Golf_Nut01″ who calls and shows pocket A’s. Whoa! Calamari’s hand shows 8 and 9 (I knew it, ya fink!). Golf_Nut01 is sitting pretty until the the he sees the flop. 8, and another 8, and then to seal the deal, a nasty 9. Goodbye Golf_Nut01, better stick to Putt Putt.

Despite this horrible suckout I just witnessed, I’m looking at Calamari and my chops are salivating. I’m going to clean this one up.

Ultimatebet.com is not for beginners. They may dispute that, but it’s their own fault. They have one of the best and quickest interfaces on the Net. There are no goofy “avatars” or cartoon like dealers. Easy to install, easy to add money, and the cards are delt feverishly… which may all be a good thing, or more likely a very very bad thing.

If your an average, recreational poker player, then whatever holes you have your game when you play at your friends once a month, are likely to happen with so much more frequency, that in 20 minutes, the sharks are going to notice them and start knocking away at your stack.

So play tight! Good idea right? Well, maybe. There are so many tight players at UB, that it has spawned a whole other class of players trying to cherry pick blinds left and right. Declerations of “Ah ha! There’s a another Calamari!” have quickly soured into “oh crap, he’s really good” many a times at UB.

“If you can’t spot the fish, then pick a mirror, sucker” is by far the most likely scenario to happen on Ultimatebet.com If you want to make quick dough, you probably should go to a more commercially advertised online poker like PartyPoker.com or PokerStars.com

I’ve tried, I really have, tried to leave Ultimatebet.com, but I just can’t do it. While every so often someone tells me how terrible the average player is there and I go check them out, it’s true! But be prepared to be disappointed with slower interphases and more likely suckouts on your stack.

Simplicity is golden and these UB guys got it down. If the average calibre of player is any indication of how good the software design is, don’t take my word for it, go ahead, sign up and see for yourself. Just don’t try to steal my blinds buddy!

Uhm, after a considerable pause to the site, we’re back. First we had to do a little house cleaning chores, such as removing 7000 pieces of spam (thanks) and upgrading to the new (or relatively new) Word Press system.

Believe it or not, we though we would be totally dead but surprisingly we’re getting about 300 visits a day. Not exactly who or what but thanks anyway.

If anyone is interested in publishing a review, certainly give us a holla. In the meantime, stay tuned, more reviews coming soon.

-BAR Editor

Baltimore’s got a new improv comedy troupe (simply called Baltimore Improv Group) that performs sketches and games sorta like “Who’s Line Is It, Anyway?”. I checked out the February show and had an awesome time — it’s cool seeing these guys (actually girls mostly, with a few token dudes) thinking on their feet and working as a team.

Before each scene they go out and ask the audience for a suggestion that becomes part of the scene. The first part involved a man and a woman acting out an on-again, off-again relationship called “It’s Not Me It’s You” which was more like a dramatic play than comedy, but was still fun to watch all the directions they went in. The second part was straight-up comedy…the best scene we saw was a game called “Playbook”, where an audience member picked a play out of a pile of books. One person had to read all of her lines out of the book while everyone else had to justify the crazy things she was saying and put them in context. They also played a cool game called “Interrogation” where two “interrogators” had to convince a “criminal” that they were guilty of a nonsensical crime suggested by the audience while the guesser was out of the room. I guess it’s easier to understand if you actually see it, but trust me it was dope.

This was a really good change of pace from just going out to see a movie or a band, so if you’ve never seen improv before you should check it out.

They get our 4 out of 5 B.A.Rs.

I enjoy getting unsolicited email, the more the better. It reminds me when I was kid and I would get my trusty copy of Free Stuff for Kids and I would send away for free junk just to get something, anything, in the mail. Now, with the power of the Internet, I get hundreds of spam emails a day, with no end insight. How delightful.

The problem is that I like to get my spam in a more orderly fashion. Much of my regular email is simply cluttering up my spam and from the looks of some of the email I started to receive from Bad Ass Reviews, I’m in headed for trouble.

Voila, Zone Labs Internet Suite. These guys got it right (well, 99% right). They’re one of the first companies to finally put all the tools you need to safely deal with the Internet together in a fashion that’s easy to install, configure, and use. Firewall, Anti Virus, Privacy Protection, Email Monitoring, Instant Messenger Protection, Web Site Filtering, Spam Blocking, Anti-Phishing Protection, and more. In fact, this thing is so good; you don’t have to configure a damn thing to get it work.

The wizard that comes with this install is a breeze to follow. Just keep clicking next until it’s finished. You are suppose to read that stuff but who has time to these days? Next! There’s a quick tutorial to software installation that you can also skip that covers the major functions provided: anti-virus techniques, privacy control, and firewalls all in the span of 10 or so screens of easily digestible info.

Once the software is in and you’ve rebooted the computer, the next thing to do is to open your favorite email program. Once again, Zonelabs knows what to do. It sets up a couple of subfolders that will collect all the spam (to my delight and yours). No more mail cluttering up spam or spam cluttering up mail, however you see the world..

Ever since I have installed Zone Lab’s Internet Suite, I’ve been able to keep up with the latest on Canadian pharmaceutical breakthroughs, help neglected wives with their marriage issues, and collect quite a collection of artistic interpretations of the human body. I tell you, this is the best thing that’s happened to me with computers, in quite some time.

Gotta give’em a 5 out of 5 B.A.Rs. - Bad Ass Approved!

We very excited to present our very first guest review by Tamara Forster from San Francisco. Thank you Tamara!

Moaning Cavern sounds tame enough, a quick pit stop on the road between San Francisco and Yosemite, just another place to take little kids who, after three hours in the car, have begun mooning other drivers. But not so. This place, which looks from the outside like a standard run-down tourist trap, is a great stop for a little adventure.

First, a choice: You can rappel, or you can wriggle for several hours through dark, dirty, tight tunnels guided only by a borrowed head-lamp. Or you can take the stairs down to the bottom of the cave, snap some photos, learn about stalactites, and climb back up, but who wants to do that? I opted to rappel and, after signing my life away on various forms and watching a video concerning all the ways in which I might die, I found myself looking directly down into a small, boxy shaft which leads into a cave large enough to house the Statue of Liberty.

A local college student, a lifetime expert in the arts of rappelling (so he said), had the job of strapping his victims into very non-sexy gear (which resembled a gigantic, tight thong worn outside the clothing) and then coaxing them into the shaft. The first part of the way down required careful foot work as I negotiated the sloping rocks, and it was a slippery journey thanks to all the tourists gone before. Finally, though, the ground ended beneath me and I found myself suddenly dangling in an immense and startlingly beautiful cave. (This is not the time to discover your fear of heights. Trust me on this.)

Beneath me, I could hear the faint echoes of voices reverberating up from the tiny smudges of people below. A group of tourists, it seemed, had taken the hundreds of stairs down to the bottom and were flashing pictures of everything nearby. Otherwise, there was nothing but air beneath my feet. The view at the top was peaceful, the rocks an amazing array of colors. As I surveyed the natural beauty, however, one of the multiple clasps attaching me to my rope snapped loose, and I suddenly viewed the cave in new terms of death, dismemberment, and unpleasantly long falls. I quickened my pace, admiring the rocks as I slipped downward.

The rappel took, beginning to end, about forty minutes, and at the bottom I was hauled in by a tour guide and greeted by a round of photo-snapping. And then, the downside to the whole adventure, I faced hundreds of dark spiral stairs to be climbed up before staggering through the gift shop and back out into the searing light of day, glad to be alive, glad to be on
my way.

(tm)

New reviews coming soon! We have been pretty busy trademarking, copywriting, accrediting, branding, tattoing our seal and logos.

Every time we take off on a ski/snowboard trip, all bipartisan efforts fail and factions splitter off to prepare to viciously debate the single most important question of the entire trip, who has more fun, skiers or snowboarders?

… obviously, snowboarding rocks.

Regardless of sporting preference, everyone does agree that skiing and snowboarding at Timberline in West Virginia is a pretty nice mountain retreat. Everything is reasonably priced, the lodges are spankin’ nice, and the mountain ain’t bad if you base it on East Coast standards. And if you’re lucky, like us, you’ll get a nice snowstorm just after you arrive.

We stayed at the appropriately named “Luv Shack” chalet, about ¼ mile from the lifts. If you’re lazy, you can still take a car up and park for free. We stuffed twelve us very comfortably, albeit had to pick some names out of the hats to see who got rooms and who got bunk beds in the loft. For $112 for the three nights, the deal wasn’t bad regardless where you crashed. Fantastic size hot tub, indoor and outdoor fireplace (smokers will appreciate it), what can we say, the digs where nice.

A few of the B.A.R. Team members and friends brought food with them on the way up here. Melissa and I of course, procrastinated and bought our stuff Friday at a Supermarket in Davis, which is the nearest town, about 15 minute drive north of Timberline.

Saturday the slopes where packed. We picked up two day rentals & lift tickets for $140 and definitely got good use out of them.

Snowboarders: You pick up your rental right next to where you buy your tickets from. The snowboard dudes are very helpful, and any of you newbies can ask away any questions about their equipment. They’re more than pleasant; they genuinely seem to want you to have a good time. The snow boots & board I got where great and definitely well kept.

Skiers: You back into the lodge and up some stairs, you can’t miss it. The rental equipment is in great shape. No worries, no straight skis here, they are all parabolic skis.

Timberline seems to be a mountain of substance. Despite the fact that this is an East Coast resort and therefore powder is hard to come by, there are some good points. The equipment is top notch as far as you can expect from rentals. The lifts are decent, 35 some trails, and 1,000 ft vertical drop, you’ll get some good runs. Just realize this ain’t Aspen, but ain’t bad either.

Salamander Run is the longest run, comes from behind the mountain. Great for beginner skiers and is a nice scenic route. Snowboarders should stay away as parts of it flatten out to a dead stop. Especially beginner snowboarders should think twice before going on the greens, you do need some speed to keep a snowboard well balanced (upright). It’ll be a lot more painful to learn otherwise, trust me.

Timberline’s Bar & Lounge is a bit on the small side. They got a kitchen next to the bar but you’ll save a few bucks if you walk downstairs to the cafeteria and bring up your own grub. If you get there on Thursday, you can check out a comedy show and other stop by for live music on Fridays and Saturdays.

We woke up Saturday to find it snowing early morning. Yes! Powder! But by the time we got to the mountain, hardcore early birds where already taking advantage. There was no way we’re going to get up before 10 am, but that seems to be the time to get there if you want to find some virgin runs.

Come Sunday the thermostat said 1 degree Fahrenheit. Right on. I decided to wait until about 3 degrees before trekking it back up for my half day. Of course, it was a lot colder at the top of the mountain! With wind chill, we were at -10 degrees.

But hey, lifts lines? What lines? Apparently, the early birds don’t go out below 10 degrees. I put on pair of synthetics under my jacket and snow pants, and I was just fine. Under Armour really freakin’ works! Perhaps we need to cover that soon.

The only irritation is steamed up goggles. Don’t believe the hype! Goggles steam up! We purchased Uvex and never looked back. Stop the spitting! Put away your toothpaste! All you need is this little blue bottle and you’ll be happily using your goggles as they were intended to be. This stuff worked so well that I might consider trying one of their goggles. Ack, so much to stuff to cover, stay tuned!

Review by Gun Aficionado (a.k.a. Gun Nut) and beloved B.A.R. Team Member Deker

“You’ll shoot your eye out!” Words anybody who’s even turned on a TV during the holiday season knows. What’s a kid in a pink bunny suit to do? Face it, at one time or another we’ve all been infatuated with guns and shooting stuff. Guess what kids? It’s not the ’50’s anymore, you’re not 8 years old, and if you wear a pink bunny suit it’s probably only in the privacy of your own bedroom. Now that we’re all grown up, we can buy all the guns we want! (unless you live in DC…Funny how our nation’s capitol is the one place the 2nd amendment doesn’t exist.)

Just recently acquired: The Dan Wesson PM1-S .45 caliber semi-automatic pistol. Time for a quick bit of history. In 1911 the US Army needed new guns, so this really bright guy name of John Moses Browning designed what came to be known as the 1911 pattern pistol and the Army loved it. Fast-forward almost 100 years. The 1911 pattern is STILL one of the best handgun designs ever. So much so that there are literally dozens of companies that produce them. Dan Wesson (IMHO) makes one of the best.

This thing is a work of art. 47 ounces of pure stainless steel and raw firepower. Quality and attention to detail that would leave even your grandpa (you know, the one who remembers “back in HIS day, when the word ‘quality’ MEANT SOMETHING”) speechless. It’s even got my NAME laser engraved on it (Yes kids, you can get custom serial #’s). Looks so perfect you hardly want to touch it… WHO AM I KIDDING?!?!? LET’S SHOOT THIS MOFO!

Out to the range with a gun case in one hand and 200 rounds of America’s finest Winchester ammunition in the other. Get on my ear and eye protection (seriously, how Bad Ass would it be to be deaf and blind?), and “let-er-rip”!

Two words ladies and gentlemen: HOLY. CRAP.

At first I’m just so elated by the “Pull Trigger….*BOOM*” that I can hardly hit a target. “Relax…Breathe…Squeeze…” *BOOM*. You just can’t help but sport an ear to ear shit eating grin when you throw over half an ounce of hot lead at over 545 miles per hour down range. Once I settle down, I realize that this thing can really shoot. I’m not that great a shot (hell, it’s only my 4th time at a firing range) and I’m looking at targets that are mostly one ragged hole for 15 shots fired (OK, so there are a FEW shots out in the boonies…what do I look like? Rambo?).

Conclusion? Conclusion? If you’re not some tree-hugging, whiney, whale-saving, son of a bitch who wants to take away our civil rights, you need to get out and shoot one of these!

Hey, hey! Take it easy there! This tree-huggin’, whale-saving, son-of-a bitch would like nothing better than to go to a shooting range with ya and give it a whirl. - B.A.R. Editor

Definitely a dead solid B.A.R. Rating of 5 out of 5!

On cold, snowy days, I can’t think of anything better than to sit by a warm, cozy fire, listen to some good tunes, and enjoy the company of close friends. With plenty of food and drink onhand to surely slow down their reflexes, it doesn’t get much better than to hear the scream of a dear friend and know that your brazen skills had something to do with it.

Lightning Reaction, by Jumpin’ Bananna, is another abomination of pure sinister enjoyment by the same genius makers of Shocking Roulette. The concept is very straight forward.

Two to four people each grab handle from the base. Select how many are playing then, hit the big white button at the center of the base to get the party started.

A pulsating red light turns on and yet another creepy, nerve racking sound begins to play (where do they get the score for these things??). Next thing you know, your stomach tighens up, small beads of sweat appear on you forehead and you begin to worry if your palms are next. When you wonder if that could only incease your potential discomfort, you quickly decide there’s just no way you’re going to get shocked if you have anything to do with it… just…don’t…. blink.

As soon as the scary music stops and red light turns green, everyone presses their buttons on the handles and prays they were quick enough. Last one to press theirs gets a shocking reminder that paying attention is a good skill to have. Press your button before the green light comes on and you’re in for a quick lesson: cheaters definitely can’t win here, but your friends will be glad you tried.

Life skills! Lessons to learn! Yo, this isn’t just a toy, this is an educational tool for any young adult in need of remedial instruction. I definitely learned a thing or two.

Shocking Roulette was just a finger, this thing is your entire hand. We rate it a of 5 out of 5 B.A.R.s

Keeping true to the party spirit gods, La Tasca was home for us for a night. If this is how the Spaniards party, we have got to book some flights very soon!

La Tasca is actually located near the MCI center in downtown Washington D.C. It’s a great Spanish Tappas Bar & Restaurant. The Sangria is abundant, the four course meals are plentiful, and the all-woman Salsa/Jazz band is imported directly from New York.

Not only did our waiter treat us like royalty, he graciously put up with us when we turned juvenile deliquents after midnight. It probably didn’t help that we kept trying to get him sloshed by attempting to refill his own Champagne chute each time he came to check up on us. We sat on throw pillows that served well for a small pillow fight that broke out at 1am. About 2am we were all very happily drinking out of bottles, dancing with our girlfriends, hitting on other men’s wives, and causing a raucous disorder that surely had it not been for La Tasca’s classy yet inviting settings, we would surely have been thrown out.

La Tasca took good care of us. Very good, indeed! Such good sentiments are not to be missed with the fact that it took me 17 days to write this review. I’m not sure why it took so long, but I guess after the madness of the holidays and the initial surprise success of Bad Ass Reviews, I thought we needed a moment to catch a breather.

Live and let live could be La Tasca’s motto. Thank you! We’ll be back!

Who knew torture could be so much fun! Shocking Roulette is not for the faint of heart (no seriously, it’s not!). There’s good reason to think this little toy can stop your ticker. Not so much the actual shock, but the sweat creating anticipation of impending doom.

It starts off with sticking your fingers or thumbs into the designated spots. Up to four people can play at once, but two is just fine. You can probably play by yourself but you should probably seek help from a professional if you do.

This sucker has two settings, low for wimps and high for daredevils. Up to you whether you decide to tell everyone of the two options. I like to leave it on high with a fresh pair of batteries, myself. Easily liven up the most boring of holiday parties and boy did I have to attend my share of those! I spare the ya the details but believe me, far more torturous than Shocking Roulette.

Well OK, not actually faster than a speeding bullet–but you will never feel more like Superman than when you’re flying down the highway or putting a knee down through a tight corner on your new motorcycle. For those of you not familiar with the 2-wheeled world, the modern sport bike (or “donor cycle” as Firefighters and EMT’s like to call ‘em) is little more than 2 wheels, a motor, and collection of plastic bodywork.
Weighing in at 440 pounds and pumping out nearly 100 horsepower, you’re looking at zero to sixty times that can best nearly anything you’ll find on the road today.

My vehicle of choice is a black and silver 2003 Honda CBR600F4i. 100 horsepower, 43 foot pounds of torque, 0-60 MPH in under 4 seconds.

The Honda F4i is a perfect mix of speed, agility, and user friendly handling ability. It is more than enough for a beginner, and will still keep the veteran rider entertained.

Dodging cars, potholes, and wayward wildlife is difficult enough in a car, upping the ante by removing two wheels and the protective steel and glass cage requires a definite lack of brains and a sphincter of steel. Cars move the body, motorcycles move the soul.

I’m just not good at the whole water skiing gig. Something about getting dragged behind a boat on some plastic or fiberglass floatsam, just doesn’t seem to coordinate very well for me. I have tried a couple of times, and if you consider that I stood for probably a total for 4 minutes, I just don’t think it’s me. Give me some jetskis and let me tear something up.

That being said, I do recognize that there are many out there that love nothing more than just wake and spin around a lake for hours doing flips. Well, they’ve taken it to a new artform (Foil Freaks).

Apparently somewhere in the 60’s, 70’s a couple of guys, Mike Murphy and Bob Woolley decided to add a type of foil to the bottom of skiis and knee boards. Sometime into the mid 80’s they thought wouldn’t it be cool to add one of these things to bottom of something you can sit on? And the rest is pretty much history.

Now there are world championships and people tearing things up (or themselves) with this stuff. Would I do it? Probably not. But I have respect for those that do.

This HAS to be scary, and earns defintely a respectable 4 out of 5 B.A.R.s

Pictures where all stolen from www.foilfreaks.com.

Via Ferrata at the Nelson Rock Preserve is a must see trail for any formative BA. Taking on Via Ferrata, a system of cables and rungs, that at first glance would seem like a beginners course in rock climbing. Perhaps excellent free climber might consider this a walk in the park, but a decent rock climber will have a healthy respect for this obstacle course.

No seriously, it’s definitely kind of scary. Who would have thought that climbing a simple system of rungs could be so freaky. In fact, we risked life and limb to bring some of the excellent photos of just how BA this thing is. I hope you can appreciate just how much we risk to bring, you, the reader, an accurate portrayl of how just how crazy this thing is.

That being said, the view is fanatastic. For avid rockclimbers, there’s some excellent sides to spend your day rock climbing if you want. The course is relatively safer, but there are many areas where you would want to fall off. While the equipment and cable system will keep you from instant death, you can seriously bang yourself as you’ll likely fall 5 -15 feet before everything catches your fall, and that means, you’ll probably be 5 to 15 feet away from the lowest rung.

Yes, there are many parts where you’re not actually going up straight up, but you’re going sideways or diagonally. One slip, and you’ll have a hell of a time trying to get back. In fact, ya might stuck! And if that happens, best of luck. Forgot to ask, and probably better not to.

What’s morale of this story? Don’t slip!

Inside Scoop:
Highly recommend this one! It’ll take you a good 2 to 4 hours to finish the course. Come somewhat early. We showed up at about noon, and they had to look around for extra gear.

Bring some water with you, as there’s no watering hole at the top. Bug spray if you make it out there in the summer. Helmets are optional. Don’t throw anything off the mountain, people are walking at the bottom, even though you can’t see them. We did on the way down, and some sucker was kickin’ stones. Helmets would have been good then, but it would have killed the “cool” factor considerably.

Call ahead! You can use your own harness, but you’ll probably want to use their equipment becuase their carabiners where specially modified to use their cable system comfortably.

We rate this a solid 4 out of 5 B.A.R.s